I am sat writing in my kitchen, surrounded by Brio train track, there are the remnants of our weekly family quiz on the table (Rich’s Cornflake mask) I’m on my second cup of coffee and I felt the urge to write something…
I’ve not been feeling like writing very much since we’ve been in isolation. The words don’t seem to be able to make in from my head onto the page in the same way they used to. To be perfectly honest i’m probably like every other parent BLOODY EXHAUSTED!
But this morning is different, I feel a little sad and i’ve not been able to shake the ache I have in my tummy, the little extra weight i’m feeling on my shoulders. I am also being a HUGE grump. So i’m attempting to get it off my chest.
Make-A-Wish To Lego Land Denmark
This weekend I should have been packing. I should have been packing for us to spend a glorious 4 days in Denmark. I’d bought the boys new Lego t-shirts for them to wear to the airport. We were going to be making Bilbo’s wish to go to the home of Lego true.
He’d already planned the whole thing out and wanted to film it all to show his “followers” on YouTube. It has been marked on the calendar since we got the call from Make-A-Wish to confirm Bilbo’s wish had been granted.
The AMAZING team at Make-A-Wish had planned a beautiful week for us. Flying to Billund Denmark, staying in an Adventurer room – PERFECT for our little adventurer. They had arranged tickets to the park for us to enjoy and the cherry on the top was going to be a visit to the LEGO House.
Don’t get me wrong I know Bilbo would have loved Legoland but his wish was ALL about the LEGO House. Why? Because in Bilbo’s wild imagination he thinks this is where the master builders learn their trade and Bilbo wants to be a master builder when he grows up. He was so excited to come face to face with the giant dinosaurs made out of lego, duple and Technic.
He had planned how he was going to explore every inch the house had to offer. He checks YouTube regularly to see if there is new LEGO House content. We have watched every YouTube video there is about the LEGO House – multiple times over.
LEGO is Bilbo’s Happy Place
LEGO has been our life line during treatment. We’ve used it often as bribes, or rewards to get us through some of the tricky moments. It has helped keep Bilbo amused during hospital stays and when we’ve been isolated at home. It has brought so much joy into our home.
Whenever LEGO is involved Bilbo is happy:
- Living Our Best Life: Legoland Discovery Centre Birmingham
- What do Ellie Goulding, Wham, LEGO and potties have in common?
- Day 223: Happy Days
Instead of working next week we’ve decided to take the week off anyway. Tuesday is my birthday, the weather is looking good so we are going to have a holiday our way.
On Monday my mum will have the boys and Rich and I need to come up with a way to make LEGO come to life in our back garden…I’m not quite sure what we’re going to do yet…if you have any ideas PLEASE send them my way.
Bilbo is the creative one, so I am struggling!
One thing is for sure we will make sure both boys have a magical experience.
Bilbo has taught me a lot about patience, he’s not complained once that we can’t go. He understands that it isn’t anyone’s fault, it is just one of those things. He knows we will go one day and he is right, we will make his wish come true, we will make it – one day.
But I think the issue is that as the adult, i’m feeling less patient. This week sees us scratch off week 9 of being isolated. We know that our shielding has already been extended and who knows if it will be again or when it will end.
We’re not in a rush to get back to normality, we will do what is right our family, for Bilbo to keep him safe, we have accepted this. Rich and I are both supported by our respective companies to work from home. We’re indebted to my mum for shielding with us and sharing our bubble so we have help with childcare and schooling. BUT…..
I Miss My Old Life
Like everyone we miss our old life. I miss being carefree and disorganised. Not having to meticulously plan what we’re going to need for the week ahead.
I desperately miss people, my friends and work colleagues.
Our garden in the sunshine feels quiet, I miss it being filled with our friends and kids fighting over the trampoline. I miss the sound of clinking bottles of prosecco filling up the recycling bin. The smell of the BBQ whilst listening to the gentle hum of people chatting.
And i’m grumpy about it all because in October 2018 I had my old life taken away…it was so abrupt and cruel. It threw us into a parallel universe, into a lane we didn’t want to be in.
We survived largely because Bilbo is the bravest and strongest boy I know and his strength carried us all. It also helped that we had protocols with dates (most of the time) and an end point. That end point hasn’t changed, we still have 670 days of treatment left – we’re not even half way. BUT we never anticipated we’d be spending those days isolated. Hiding from a virus. With no end in sight…
And so as I read over the blogs from the last 18 months I realise I’ve been at my most anxious when we’ve had the least control. And so my anxiety is understandably taking over because there is no roadmap for this virus…we don’t know when things will go back to normal. I don’t have answers or a way to make sense of any of this.
BUT when we are finally able to, we will be getting on that plane to Denmark and soaking up everything LEGO has to offer in Billund and Bilbo’s wish will come true.