Day 223: Happy Days

Tonight’s Sunday night post is not going to dwell on the exhausting and stressful moments (there have been many this week) instead i’m going to focus on all the positives and our happy days.

With the steroids behind us, each day has brought our Bilbo back to us.

How’s Bilbo doing?

He’s doing great. We were advised by his consultant this week that due to the steroids masking his true blood count we’d have a break this coming week.

I think the thought of a whole 14 days off of treatment made us all feel like a bit of a weight had been lifted. No chemo and no anti sickness.

He’s still addicted to Shepherd’s pie. He’s eaten at least one, two or even three a day for the last week.

Bilbo has also enjoyed some time back at school. Including Friday which was pyjamarama day. He was also visited by a paleontologist which for a dinosaur mad boy was a real treat.

Happy Days

This week we’ve focused on making memories. We’ve had more happy days than sad. We’ve danced like nobody is watching in the kitchen before breakfast. We finally finished Harry Potter. Bilbo has been reading like a champ. He’s been producing some fantastic drawing.

Harrison’s obsession with Baby Shark has reached new levels now he’s the proud owner of the baby shark all singing book.

Both boys had their first taster of facepaint. We’ve jumped in muddle puddles, watched our caterpillars double and then double again in size. And our garden continues to grow, we’re excited to see the fruits of our labour…we’re on strawberry watch daily.

And we’ve managed a jam packed weekend too. We started on Friday at the Cotswold Wildlife Park and finished with a trip to Legoland.

Twilight Zoo

On Friday we headed to the Cotswold Wildlife Park for a gifted twilight experience. A huge thank you to Sarah our CLIC Sargent social worker for nominating us.

Friday was very wet and we debated whether the zoo maybe a wash out. It is an awfully long way for us to travel to stand in the rain.

We risked it and the risk paid off…until about 7pm when the skies turned grey and the heavens opened! Lucky for us we came prepared. Waterproofs and wellies meant the boys could take complete advantage all the puddles.

Check out our instagram stories for jumping in puddles, Bilbo narrating the entire Gruffalo story in a trailer in the rain whilst Rich pulled them along, face paints and spider tattoos.

The fresh air, the excitement of jumping about in the rain, the giggles and the adventure was the perfect tonic.

Legoland

Back in May we renewed our Merlin passes. We’ve already enjoyed Chessington and this weekend we thought we’d head back to Legoland.

We took nanny along for the ride and we had such a lovely time.

What has been super interesting about today (for me anyway) is to see how both boys have grown. Literally speaking as they’re both taller and able to go on different rides. But also how they experience the park.

Harrison loves to take things in slowly. He especially likes patiently waiting for the trains on the lego model village or any vehicle.

Bilbo is impatient and doesn’t stop for a moment. He wants to see it all, quickly and then move on to the next thing.

Today we were able to try some new rides. Bilbo was tall enough for the Dragon roller coaster and the log flume. Both boys braved the new haunted house which made me feel sick. Nanny was glad she missed that one.

How Am I Doing?

On Monday I took full advantage of some me time to take a really long walk with my friend Jo. It was just what I needed. The rest of this week has been about self care. Both in terms of myself to feel better and so I can care for my family better.

I’m going back to work tomorrow. The treatment break for Bilbo means I can fully focus my mind this week on work rather than trying to split between working, parenting and parenting cancer.

I am a work in progress. Sounds a bit cliched but it is true. I’m still having dark thoughts. And some make my chest tighten and it is harder to breath but they are less frequent.

A very wise and wonderful person told me this week:

“you’ve got to take small steps, you’re too hard on yourself”

That person was my husband, thank you Rich. Knowing you’re behind me makes everything that bit easier, the boys and I are lucky to have you!

What Next?

Bilbo is on treatment break so he will be at school tomorrow. He will have bloods done on Tuesday and again on Friday so we know if we can proceed on Monday.

As well as being back at work next week i’m off to see the Spice Girls to relive my youth I can’t bloody wait! More happy days to come.